Do you find that you agree to things you don’t like and do things you don’t want to do so that people will like you? Do you do things that will earn approval? You might do whatever it takes to make other people happy, but your free time gets swallowed up doing things for other people. While being kind and helpful is generally a good thing, going too far to please others can leave you feeling drained and stressed.
You may benefit from setting some boundaries.
So start small. Think about a recent episode that you might like to work on.
I’ll start with a couple of things, but feel free to add your own.
1. Somebody consistently phones you at an inconvenient time.
2. You commit to something, knowing you already had something booked. BUT you can’t bear to let anyone down?
Here are some clues re why you may find it hard to say NO.
You are good at tuning in to what others want and you do this to the detriment of your own personal needs. This can be because of poor self-image, a need to take control, or a tendency to perfectionism.
Which one rings a bell with you?
Now practise how you could make a change. Try saying,
• This isn’t a great time. Could you phone back at…?
• ‘I’ll check my diary and I’ll get back to you.’
If that sounds too big a step, it might be because :-
• You worry what other people might think.
• You are afraid that saying no means you are selfish.
• You have poor self-esteem so you feel happier in a place of service.
Why don’t you try it anyway? Just be polite and firm. Don’t over-explain.
Let me know how it goes.
Lizmoorelifecoach.com
#boundariesarehealthy
#selfesteemboost
#peoplepleasernomore
