Many women for various reasons never become biological mothers. It can be a source of great pain, not just for the couple but the wider families and friendship group. Then there are some parents who suffer the unthinkable loss of a child. Others form wonderful mutual admiration and respect with children who are not their own.
Through my work over 25 years in Africa, I have known of some women, who have literally given their own lives and jeopardised the futures of their older children to bring another human being into the world. WHO statistics for 2017, showed that world wide, approximately 810 women died every day from preventable causes related to pregnancy and childbirth. I have often seen the fear in the eyes of African women carrying their unborn child; knowing the risk. I have also seen whole villages become transformed when those statistics no longer apply because they have access to a midwife and trained birth attendants. The tradition is to hide pregnancy. No more ! Fear in the eye has been replaced by JOY.
Apparently, I now have ‘hero status’ in the community of my daughter for caring for her 3 children for 4 nights so she could go away to celebrate a birthday with friends. I don’t deny I was glad to get to bed after a day of seeing the world from 3 pairs of child’s eyes. They know which buttons to push to get a treat from Grandma normally only allowed on their birthdays. It’s costly but hilarious too. I question their choice of TV channel. ‘We’re only allowed to watch this when Mummy and Daddy aren’t here.’ Then, ‘I brush my teeth once a week.’ At the jubilee school fete, parents patiently queued to have their offspring ‘locked up’ in a police van. I could see dreams forming in their heads. What could they do with all that spare time and energy?
I remember my father-in-law asking if I would ‘be OK’ stepping back from a ‘high flying job’ to care for our new baby. Without hesitation, I said I have never been so fulfilled. Motherhood. There’s nothing in the world like it.